Heart Purge

How did I get myself into this?”, I ask myself. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This is not how I envisaged it. In my head, it was supposed to be the best ever or at least try to be but in reality it’s about to be tagged the worst. Yeah, it does have its little perks, ones that do not come always but often. How long will these perks last when they do come? Plus, they do come with their own dangers.

I honestly didn’t bargain for this.

I was in no way ready for this.

And I’m still not ready, don’t think I can ever be ready for this even in the next life.

I’m totally in over my head. This beats every strength I can muster. I can almost —- (fill the blanks). I get that impulsive feeling to grab an irritant being by the neck and choke them till they change and become better. Brutal, I know!

What happened to integrity, to Christianity? We profess Christ but act out another thing.

I feel defeated, feel the need to rant but I think I’ve exhausted that as a therapy and have just started to talk a lot, to my detriment.

Why are people the way they are? ( I should ask Tim LaHaye.) but i think this goes beyond temperaments.

What kick do we get out of frustrating others? Place ten people who feel like me right now in a jury, and a psycho will totally go scot-free.

I apologize if I read like I have mental issues, I don’t! Or maybe I do? Who knows?

She’s just vexed for been frustrated by her colleagues like so many others.

I hope to read this someday and laugh, only reminiscing how terrible this is now (now which will become then). To look back and say, yes I did it!, I crossed the deep blue sea and I shoved the devil off a cliff!

Until then, I’m profoundly in over my head!


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